strange times, folks

Faith is a strange phenomenon, to be sure. I make so much progress every month on dealing with my anxiety disorder & depression. About a month ago I was at a sort of high point. & then it all toppled down so quickly.

Thing is, I'm not terribly sad very often. But when I am, I get pretty obsessed with the idea of killing myself. It is hard to feel like there is any other option. In other words, I am a woman of little faith.

I lack an understanding of my own value. & I lack any belief that other people could value me either. But I am working on it. 

Current status, I believe people eventually. Especially if they repeat things enough times. Eventually it just clicks. 

I am not hated. & if I am, what does that mean in the grand scheme?

I ground myself by remembering a few things. 

1. My disordered brain is going to cause me to expect a worse outcome than is likely. 

2. My disordered brain is going to cause me to underestimate my own ability to deal with even the worst case scenario.

3. My disordered brain is going to convince me that there is nobody to help me & to forget that others know how to deal with many things that I have no insight into.